I am yet again back for one of my small stints that will of course lead to annoyed questions of future postings.
So, since I've been gone:
Does this pretty much cover it?
Yep, my life fell out of the tree and hit a few branches on the way down. So, if you will, here's the blow-by-blow.
So, shortly after my good posting stint, I went into an ugly low point. Which I am not unfamiliar to, but ya know, I still haven't found an adult-style solution for it. Hide-in-a-hole is still my go to. I will say, I have started some new medication, and even in the 2 1/2 weeks I've been on it, I feel better than I have in.. well, years? Forever? It's hard to think of a time when I snapped out of my selfish-internal-laser vision. Or more can I say, I can't. Save when I was drinking myself stupid, and I didn't have a thought deeper than a puddle. Psh, a deeper thought than a glass of water. But I digress, I feel a lot better. So lets hope they keeps going.
Next branch on that ugly tree, holds the sudden and unexpected death of my Grandmother.
I miss her very much. Her and I were always very close, and that blow was... wow. Harder than I ever imaged it would be. I'm still more in shock than actually dealing. I did the same thing when my dad died. I expect an ugly meltdown in a few months, per what I went through with my dad. This time though, I am on medication.. so, God willing?
My grandma was my biggest ally. Granted, a silent one. About 7 years ago, the remainder of my family--mom, grandparents, and my brother--were having a cook out. I was basically on edge about my dad, and being 12 kinds of unstable. And something about my brother cooking on the grill pushed me over the edge. A screaming match ensued between my grandpa, my mom and I. I stomped out of the kitchen, and was fully intending to pack my weekend back to get the hell back to Ypsilanti. At that point my grandma came down the hallway to talk to me. She calmed me enough to find out that it was all spurring from missing my dad so much. She looked me in the face at this point and say, "I'm *always* on your side."
I've always joked about my love being for sale, and my grandma was the highest bidder. All in poor humor, of course, which is usually my style. Maybe it's my age or just being so tired for the last few months, that I've been kind of quiet with the vulgarity. I'm sure at some point, the floodgates that is my mouth will open back up. For now though, I grieve for my grandmother.
Following this, I have an eye appointment that goes about as well as you'd imagine... for me. The doctor tells me I've gotta come back for some more testing because I have calcium deposits formed on my optic nerves. Awesome right? But as they had just dilated my eyes, I can't have the test done right then.
The hightlight in my tale happens at this point. My friend Aaron and I went to NYC for the week. Saw two shows--Sister Act and Mamma Mia--and spent a few nights with our friend Matt. Then a few nights in New Jersey with his grandparents. What lovely people, and the folios of my grandparents, if you will, Nega-Grandparents. During the trip though, things are starting to tumble down the hill though.
So, when we get back from the trip, I've gotta head back up to my mom's for a multitude of reasons. One of those being, my eye test. It went... mmm, ok? One of my eyes I will say, I had a really hard time with the test, which really freaked me out. The deposits, though there, aren't in a place that are--at this time--causing any vision loss. Now, here's the kicker: I'm pre/high-risk glaucoma. I don't know that I could live without my vision. And I'm 100% serious. Deaf, loss of olfactory functions, my vocal functions? Take 'em. I need to be able to see. Hopefully, this is not a road I'll have to trek. I'll keep y'all posted.
So here's the next tree branch: on my birthday, my grandfather passed away. Happy fucking birthday, huh?
Not that I much enjoy my birthday or being reminded of this time of year. For those of you not versed in Lori trivia: My birthday is the 1st. Now, 8 years ago on the 3rd my dad died.
I'm picking a new birthday. Details on that to come.
I believe that brings us up to date. Other details have been removed, mostly because they are annoying or boring. I will add, during that month though I had intense food poisoning and a God awful sinus infection. But at this point, I'm nose back to the grindstone. Working my face off, listening to tons of podcasts, watching movies, blasting through some video games. Back to normal I guess.
So in closing, hey peeps. I've missed posting. Next time, a non-depressing post. Cross my heart. But in closing, here's a pic of me in MoMa, with one of my favorite paintings, by my favorite artist... so, here ya go:
Peace, love, and titty-grease,
--L
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