Thick as Thieves

WOW! Thanks everyone for such awesome early support!!!!

Five followers strong!!!! Much kudos to my lovely, lovely friends.... now, make your friends read it :-)

I've had my first story request from my long time friend Allen... who's name, I might add, will come up many times, and mostly in the most outrageous stories. If you know him, you understand. But for those of you who don't, here's a little background on our tempestuous relationship.

Allen and I have been known of each other since junior high, and have been bestie since high school... so something like 10 years now.. He's one of the first gay friends I've ever had. And in turn, one of the first to know of my own greedy persuasions, or should I say my somewhere in the middle lying on the Kinsey scale? Ok, ok... you've dragged it out of me... I'm kind of a screaming queen, bleeding heart liberal, bisexual. Not always how I saw myself, but that is a story for another time.

At a time in high school, the rumor was that Allen and I were dating. Or screwing? I'm not sure if there is a difference anymore. Mostly because we had such high affection for each other, and we still do. He's my favorite person to be a crying drunk with. Anyway, we always found the whole idea completely hilarious, and would play it up as much as possible. We'd even gone as far as to stage a big hallway kiss in front of a lot of people, just to confuse them for our own amusement... it worked. It's funny now, how in one breath people would call me a slut for hanging around all these boys, because--of course--I was sleeping with all of them, and then in the next breath be called a dyke. Anyone else see the controversy in their ideas? I should mention, most of the boys I was spending time with, including Allen, were homosexual males. Whoops. I digress.

So yes, other than messing with my mind of our classmates, him and I have always had a knack for getting into a lot of trouble. But, thankfully, we have each other's backs when it needs to happen... like the time I got alcohol poisoning! He kept a good eye on me that night while I puked my guts up and floated in-and-out of consciousness. I even ended up throwing up out the window of his car going down the highway. Now, I should also mention, we--myself, and the two passangers in the backseat--told him we needed to pull over, but he just kept driving, as I the car speed down the road at something like 50mph. Viscosity in an active practice. One of my finer moments, of course.

Now, keep in mind, those are just high school shenanigans... we've gotten better like a fine wine with age... or maybe fomented like apple cider?

He's also the boy that has laid claims on my uterus to bare him spawn of his own. It was an interesting day in 10th grade when he walked by, poked me in the uteral area, and proclaimed, "Mine." before being on his way. We'll see how that pans out.

So, back to why I have given a small background on my dear friend, he has made a story request that I'm not sure if I'm ready to tell yet. I believe I need to prepare my adoring fans before it can come to be. I need to mention at this point in time, that I use to be a bad girl. And I don't mean the cute kind of way. I mean, party hard and then party harder the next day kind of girl. I have a past, and I am not ashamed to tell the world about it. I have quite a few life experiences that most 25 year olds do not... or for that matter, life experiences that most people will never have. Mostly involving substance abuse, and drag queens.

So, forewarning, that there are some stories that though are pretty funny in nature, they were pretty dangerous at the time, and I'm very lucky to be alive still. Again, more stories to get into for that.

But for now, this cripple needs to wash her hair, and then head to bed for a full day at work tomorrow. I'm not going to try and encore copyright issues so lets just say I work in retail for now.


Thank you again for reading, please comment and or let me know if there's something you think I should talk about!!!

Much love,
L

Woo! We're number 2!

Hi people... person.... empty space?

So here's my first real post. Well, kind of. Mostly a picture account of how tragically!hilarious my life is.

February 23, I was feeling pretty slick in my hipster attire, playing with the fx camera on my Evo, and this bad ass picture was born:

Slick, right? Ok, I kind of look like a douchebag. Hey, I thought I looked cool. It doesn't happen often.

So, I finish out my day, with my jeegings, and Sex Pistols shirt and head up to my mom's house as I'm having shoulder surgery the next day.

February 24th... not 24 hours after the about picture was taken:

Pause for laughter.... oh, how the mighty fall. And they fall *hard*

Oh yes, that is me, stoned out of my mind, post-rotator cuff surgery. I believe "hit" is the word that you are looking for. So yes, I am still in the arm brace. Eight more days, and then I'm thinking about lighting it on fire or letting my dog use it as a chew toy. Speaking of my dog, she's a beautiful 15 pound Bichon Frise, who might actually be a hound from hell, and I her master, Damien. Bellow, one of the 3000 pictures I will be posting of her.

About two seconds after this awwww-inspiring picture was taken of her laying across my lap, she dropped a Hiroshima size dirty bomb fart on me, got up, and left. Where I, the cripple in an arm brace, was stuck. Thanks Isabella, love you too.

That's it for now,
L

Woo! We're number 1!

Well, here we go.

I guess for starters I should thank the 2 people I've forced to start reading this little adventure of mine. No, one of them is not my mother.

Second, I guess I should introduce myself:
My name is Lori A Hobson, and per the advice of my counselor, here's my very true, very real account of the my life. Some things are going to be hilarious, most will be random. Heaven forbid there be something pensive.

Now is about the time that I should mention, strange things seems to often find their way onto my path. And I mean, to the degree that I doubt that most people believe me. Like the time I missed my connecting flight because a gentleman was being arrested off the plane I needed to get on. Or when helping a friend find a place to live in SoCal, we ended up at Doctor Dolittle's house out on Mulholland Drive. Having a grown man telling you to "mind the claws" while walking across his tiger skin rug is one thing... there actually being claws to mind is quite the other.

So, with the prodding of my friends for topics and stories I should tell I hope that everyone who comes across this on their own, or from my forcing will at least get a good laugh on my expense.

Enjoy the hilarity,
L